Not so “Easy A”

So a couple of days ago my girlfriend and I watched the movie Easy A.

It was a bit of a teeny blooper chick flick but I do have to say it was well written and had quite a few laughable quotes and moments.

At the end of the movie it was bedtime yet there was something not allowing me to sleep. I couldn’t help but to think about my “illustrious” (and I say that sarcastically) high school career.

How can I put this elegantly?

In high school I was the exact opposite of who I am today.

I thought I was too cool for the cool kids and for the nerds.

I was self conscious of everything about me from my dress code to my ability to go toe to toe if someone wanted to fight.

I wasn’t alone I had a big group of 3 (count them 3) friends who felt the same way I did about school.

That it was a bullshit social system disguised as a learning institution.

So while everyone else was hanging around the cafeteria we were by the main gate envying that our freedom was one step away.

Now you can imagine with this type attitude how far one would excel both socially and academically.

Yea back then my only progress was about as fast as a baby ant moving the statue of David (Pretty slow).

I think the only thing that kept me going was my need to prove all the haters wrong, my addiction to good weed, and the fact that I could compete in the occasional lunch time freestyle battle.

So why do I share this? Well a couple reasons.

1) Listen to your Pain

Okay so here is the thing. Like I said all this came to me around 12:30 in the morning and when it came up it hurt.

I mean I am firm believer that everything happens for reason and everything that has occurred was to make me the man I am today. Yet when posed with the question:

‘If you could go back in the past and change one thing without it affecting any of the positive aspects of your current life?’

I would have to say my entire high school career.

When I started thinking about it, a lot of pain came up. I could feel regret hit my gut. Embarrassment hit my heart and sadness hit my mind, to the point where tears almost filled my eyes.

My first reaction was to turn over and force sleep.

My next reaction was to turn the TV back on and reach for the comfort food and just zone out until I passed out.

Yet I didn’t. Instead I “listen to the pain’.

I don’t know why this time was different than the previous thoughts of high school but it’s was. I think it was due to a lesson I was taught along time ago. This was;

Your subconscious mind will not bring up bad memories unless it thinks you are prepared to process it.

It’s kinda like that quote “If God brings you to it hell get you through it”

But different in that you can ignore the requests of your subconscious and just dig it deeper into the memory bank of limbo.

So with that said I decided to pull out my journal and write down some of the “regrets’ and “missed opportunities” that have been plaguing me to this day.

2) Write it down.
When I began journaling I was surprised at how much it helps clear things out.

There something about getting your emotions on paper that are so cleansing, guess that’s why some of the greatest minds in history have left behind their journals to be examined.

3) Make a plan to deal with what is troubling you.

Now after writing down all the regrets of my high school past (and they were quite a few) I noticed two things.

One was that many of those things that I felt so bad about were either over reactions or have been dealt with over time.

The second was that some of those “regrets” where triggered by characteristics that I still have to this day.

Now while what occurs due to those characteristics might not be the same they are still there.

So I made a plan to improve each one and allow myself time to work through it without any rushing or judgment.

For Example;

I mentioned I only had a select group of friends.

Well there are many reasons for that but one of the main reasons was because I never made an effort to extend myself and get to know others.

The reason I didn’t do that was because I was really concerned about what they would think of me.

What I didn’t realize was that this habit was still following me to this day.

While I tell myself I don’t care about what people think as much, I still have not made an effort to give myself the opportunity to get to know more people!

Since this has come to my attention I have been intent on not only getting to know new people but solidifying the old friendship that I have that I might not be paying much attention to.

That’s just one example from me. There are more but I want to get to the point.

The point here is this no matter what our “failures” in the past may have been its never to late to “listen to the pain” get a piece a paper and work on them. You never know, an “F” or failure in your past might just be an ‘Easy A’ to the person you are today!

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